If I Had Words

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Chapter 41      Chapter 43

Eros watched as Psyche’s procession made its way to the top of the hill. It had all the look of a funeral march. Even the bride was so shrouded in layers, she gave the appearance of a ghost. 

He waited until everyone had left the hilltop, noticing that her own family didn’t even glance back. He wasn’t sure if the act was for self-preservation, unable to bear to look back at their beloved Psyche, or if they had already moved on with their lives.  

It was still light yet and he hated to make Psyche wait, but it was time to get things ready in preparation for her arrival. He left it to Zephyr to carry her to his palace. 

He appeared in his palace and surveyed the house. 

He decided he would let Psyche change it as she wished. It would be an easier way to keep track of what she was thinking and how she was growing. What she created would say so much about her and her frame of mind. 

He sighed. Having a mortal in his home, as his wife, would certainly be interesting. 

He’d never brought anyone into his personal sanctuary, but having Psyche in it felt right somehow. 

He was still sorting his feelings for her, but he knew that no other mortal was truly worthy of her love. The thought of her in the arms of another man brought out a different kind of feeling in him. 

He sat in a chair, waiting and thinking. How would she react to his home? How would she change it? 

As the sun set, he could hear Zephyr approaching, carrying Psyche. The Wind entered and set her down gently on the bed. 

“Thank you, Zephyr,” Eros said.

The Wind raised an eyebrow and smiled. 

Eros smiled back and Zephyr took his leave. 

Darkness now enveloped the room and Eros looked at Psyche laying there. She wouldn’t be able to see him, wouldn’t be able to see anything. He wondered how she would manage this arrangement.

Well, it was the only way to make this work. It would have to work. 

He would make it work. 

He approached Psyche. 

Time to take her as his bride. 

Eros lifted the veil from Psyche’s face and gave her a gentle kiss. Her lips felt soft and warm.

“There,” he said. “Now we are wed.” 

Eros could see Psyche open her eyes. She tried to look around and he noticed her starting to panic.

“You are most welcome,” he said in a pleasant voice. “This is your new home and I hope you will like it.”

That seemed to help her relax and she cautiously sat up.

“Are you my husband then?” Psyche said.

“I am,” he said.

He took a moment to think of what he should say next. He hadn’t really planned this part out very well. He had half expected his mother to say no. 

“I am Psyche,” she said. “Thank you for having me.” 

He smiled. This must be just as awkward for her. 

“Yes, I know you’re Psyche,” he said.

It was hard not to be himself around her. He wanted to be himself, wanted her to get to know him. 

“And you are…?” she asked.

He wished he could tell her. 

“I am simply your husband,” he said.

That made her frown.

“May I not know your name?” she said.

“No,” he said. 

There was no way around it. Hopefully by explaining his palace, she would have other things to think about. His home was quite different from her world. He hoped she would understand in time.

“Now,” he said, deciding to get up and move. It was getting too hard to be so close to her, to know that she was his, but not yet his. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself and getting up was the only way he could think to slow himself down. “I’m sure you’re wondering where you are. You are in my palace. Here, things work differently than in the mortal world and it’s best I explain.”

He hoped she would understand. This place could be a paradise. All she had to do was let it. 

“This is all very strange,” she said.

He could tell she was struggling with what he was telling her. He wished there was an easier way. 

“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry. But in time you’ll come to understand.”

“It is so strange talking to you in the dark like this,” she said.

He realized he hadn’t fully explained the other part of this arrangement. 

“Oh, well,” he said sadly. “There is one rule you might find hard to accept at first, but hopefully you’ll get used to it in time. We won’t be allowed to have light during the evenings, and, um, evening is the only time I can be here with you.”

“Why?” Psyche asked.

“It’s the only way we can be together,” he said. 

She didn’t seem to like that. 

“I don’t understand,” Psyche said. “Is it because of how you look? Do you think I wouldn’t love you, couldn’t love you because you’re a monster?”

He thought about how much he should try to scare her. It would be easy to play with her mind and make her think he was really a monster. 

The thought was unappealing. 

“No,” he said kindly. “It’s not that. I know you’d be able to love me no matter how I looked.” 

Psyche seemed even more puzzled.

“How do you know that?” Psyche said.

She would probably feel more scared, or at least really uncomfortable, knowing he’d spent years watching her. 

“I just do,” he said. 

What else could he say? 

“So why the darkness?” she said.

This was going to be difficult. 

He sighed. 

“Because, it’s the only way,” he said. 

“Where will you be during the daytime hours?” she asked.

“Doing other things,” he said casually. 

He felt sorry he couldn’t tell her more. 

“Oh,” she said. 

“Don’t worry. Time will pass pleasantly and then we can be together in the evenings,” he said.

Would she come to love him over time? Would she love him, even with the dark. 

“But it must always be dark?” she said.

It occurred to him how difficult it might really be for her to remain in the dark. Hopefully she wouldn’t decide to create a lamp and see him anyway. 

He had better make the rules explicitly clear. 

“Yes, I’m afraid so. In fact, Psyche, you must never light a torch, a lamp, not even a candle — ever,” he said.

Hopefully that was clear enough. 

Time to change the subject. 

“I had better explain what you can expect when you wake up tomorrow,” he said. “It’s going to take some getting used to living here. Tomorrow when you wake, you will wake up to an environment based on your expectations, based on what you’re ready for. It’s the first step, so I hope you don’t mind too much what you see,” he said.

“What will I see?” she asked.

“I’m not quite sure. Like I said, a lot will depend on you,” he said.

He hoped she would be okay, hoped she felt encouraged. 

“I still don’t quite understand,” she said. 

“Well, some things are best understood by experiencing them,” he said. “I wish I could make the process easier for you, but I don’t see any other way to really help you.” 

Eros was sure that it would all make sense in time. He couldn’t quite think of how to explain things without giving too much away. He couldn’t help feeling his own worry that he’d do something wrong and somehow ruin the arrangement he’d made with his mother. 

He looked at Psyche. She looked tired. He had forgotten it was still evening for her. Her mortal body would need sleep. 

“Well, Psyche, you should probably get some rest,” he said. “We’ll have more time tomorrow night to talk. We’ll likely have more to talk about too.

“Good night.” 

“Good night,” she said.

She seemed lost in her own thoughts. Would she have a hard time falling asleep? Should he stay with her? 

This was definitely uncharted territory. He had no idea what she needed or how he could help. He’d watched her work with others countless times, but now that it was his turn to care for her, he wasn’t sure what to do. Did he do a good-enough job reassuring her? 

He’d find out in the morning.  

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