If I Had Words

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Chapter 50      Chapter 52

She was back in the cave. 

What was she doing back in the cave??

“How did you enjoy your sisters’ visit?” he asked. He decided to let his real question wait.

She seemed startled. 

She stood up to greet him and he gave her a kiss. 

“It was wonderful,” she said. “Thank you. Thank you again for bringing them to visit me.”

Something felt off.

What’s wrong? he asked the elements. 

She’s not happy here, they answered.

He decided to keep the conversation simple trying to figure out what was bothering her. Everything seemed to go well with the visit with her sisters. 

So what was it? 

“Psyche –” he said.

It was time to ask her.

“Yes?” she said. 

“Why are we back in the cave?” he asked.

“Well, um,” she said. “I guess I’m feeling sad.” 

That couldn’t be all of it. 

“You’re feeling sad,” he said thoughtfully, giving himself more time to think.

“I miss my sisters,” she said.

“It makes sense that you would,” he said.

Of course she would miss her sisters, but why was she back in the cave? Why was she back to feeling like a prisoner? Why was what he had to offer her not enough? 

What more did she need? 

He tried to think. 

Maybe the isolation really was too much. Perhaps visiting with her sisters only reminded her of the things he couldn’t give her. He’d managed to save her from his mother’s wrath. He had been able to take her away and shield her from something worse. But it also took her away from her home, her family —  her work. 

He felt sorry. 

He felt sorry for the dark; the isolation. He wished he could change it. 

“Psyche, I know I can’t give you — can’t be –,” he said. “I’m sorry things have to be this way.”

“Do things have to be this way?” she said. “I still don’t understand. I’m grateful, I really am, for everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t understand why I can’t see you. Why can’t we really be together?”

How could he make her see that this was all he could manage? This was the best he could do for her. 

“We are together,” he said.

“Not truly,” Psyche said. “There’s still a barrier, still darkness between us.”

He knew she was right. He wished she could see him, could know everything. What else could he do? 

He thought about everything he’d learned from observing her, the things he’d learned since she’d come into his life. 

He took her hand. 

“Do we have to let the darkness be a barrier? Don’t you think sometimes sight can be deceiving?” he said. 

“I guess so,”  she said. 

She wasn’t convinced. 

“You’ve taught me, Psyche, that we should not be judged on our outward appearance. You’ve shown love can be shared despite the barriers,” he said. 

“But I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t live like this.”

His heart sank. 

“What is it?” he said. “What makes it impossible to live like this?”

“I can’t live isolated — separated from everyone,” Psyche said, letting it all pour out. “I can’t — can’t just stay here, waiting for you to come at night so I can have someone to talk to. I can’t keep all of this goodness and wonder to myself. It is meant to be shared. This palace really helped my sisters. At first, I thought you had judged them wrongly, that they weren’t struggling and didn’t need any help.

“But they did. They need help. We were able to help them with this place. How can I go on knowing there is so much suffering in the world and I’m just sitting here. There is so much good that I could do. I don’t want to just keep everything to myself.” 

“The world does not deserve your goodness,” he said. 

He meant it. He’d seen so many things her world did, was capable of doing, and they simply didn’t deserve her. 

But his words somehow made her more upset. 

She pulled away from him.

“Who are you to judge? Who are you to keep me here like a prisoner? Is this what the Goddess really meant for me? To be married to you and lulled into some stupor? And what? I am meant to just let all of the people in my world suffer while I do nothing?”  she said. “I can’t! I won’t!”

She’s going to do it, the elements warned. She’s creating a lamp.

“Wait, Psyche, no, don’t!” he said, panicking.

She would ruin everything. 

He had to stop her. 

He pulled her to him and kissed her with as much passion as he felt she could handle. He pleaded with her, hoping she would feel how much he loved her.

Please, Psyche. 

Please, stay with me. 

He couldn’t bear to lose her. 

She yielded to his embrace. Relief rushed over him as he continued to kiss her and she answered. 

He finally pulled away, and they stood together for a moment. 

“Please, trust me,” he said.  

Please, he silently begged.

She pulled his face to hers and gently kissed him. 

“I love you,” she said. 

He closed his eyes and took in a breath. 

He hoped it was enough. 

He hoped she would choose to stay. 

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