If I Had Words

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Chapter 74      Chapter 76

The doors opened into the receiving hall of the kingdom of the Underworld. 

Psyche stood for a moment, unsure how to proceed.

You are most welcome. 

There was no one there that she could see, but she felt a rush of peace and safety. 

She had nothing to fear. 

Psyche stepped forward, feeling better now, but trying to think what she would say to the Queen. As a princess, she had experience visiting neighboring kingdoms and had been ushered into similar halls.

Well, not exactly similar. 

Those halls were humble, earthly, and rusting in comparison to the receiving hall of Hades’s palace. 

Interestingly, the decorations and style of the room were rather simplistic. Nothing overly ornate. There were bits of sparkle, which gave the appearance of stars. She looked up and marveled at the ceiling. It was like gazing at the night sky. 

Psyche brought her attention to the front of the room. There seemed to be a bright light at that end. It shone so brightly, it fully illuminated the columns that they appeared white.

As Psyche continued her approach, she found herself squinting against its brightness as her eyes adjusted. 

When her vision finally cleared, she gasped.

It wasn’t a light at all.

It was the Queen.

The Queen of the Underworld shone with the most radiant light. It gave off a kind of warmth and Psyche found herself breathing lighter.

Psyche stared in wonderment as she approached and took in the Queen’s beauty. It was not the beauty of her sisters, nor the beauty of the Goddess Aphrodite. 

Hers was the beauty of balance and rebirth.

It was the beauty of perfect acceptance of Herself and of everything around Her. 

In the Queen’s presence Psyche felt whole. 

It was so delightful. 

To be beautiful like that, Psyche thought. 

“Welcome,” the Queen said. 

At the sound of the Queen’s voice, Psyche continued to gape. She’d never met anyone who sounded kinder or gentler in her entire life. 

“It seems you’ve been through a great deal,” the Queen said. “I wish I could offer you rest and something to eat, but I can see you don’t belong here. 

“How may I help you?” 

Psyche blinked, coming to herself. She was standing before a Goddess. 

Instinctively falling to her knees, Psyche bowed low and kept her head down. She became mindful too of her ragged appearance and she felt her cheeks flush.

“Mighty Goddess,” Psyche said. “Please forgive the intrusion.” 

“Rise,” the Queen said, kindly. “You have come a long way. There is no need for such rituals.”

Psyche unbent herself and stood. 

“How may I help you?” The Queen repeated.

Psyche felt her tongue suddenly go dry in her mouth. 

“Um — I am here on behalf of the Goddess Aphrodite,” she said, awkwardly. “She has requested that you –” 

Psyche paused to dig for the box in her bag.

“ — that you put some of your beauty into this vessel.”

The Queen looked at the box, then back at Psyche. 

“What is your name and where do you come from?” the Queen asked.

“I am Psyche, a princess of an earthly kingdom,” Psyche said.

Psyche tried to stand straight, feeling incredibly inadequate under the gaze of the Queen. 

“So you’re Psyche,” the Queen said. 

Psyche frowned. 

The Queen had heard of her?

“Don’t worry, Psyche,” the Queen said. “You’re in no trouble. I’ve just heard your name spoken among the dead. 

“But tell me, why has Aphrodite asked a mortal princess to do her bidding?” 

Retelling her story had become comfortable enough, for the number of times Psyche had told it. 

Now, having to speak of her sins before such a Person, Psyche felt a great dread. 

Her tale would certainly make a bad impression, and up to now, Psyche had never found a being she admired more. 

How could she reveal all of her faults to the Queen??

“It’s alright, Psyche,” the Queen said, reassuring her. “You are free to speak.” 

Psyche closed her eyes and steeled herself. 

“I have displeased the Goddess. The people of my kingdom and throughout the land misplaced their worship and built a shrine to my name. 

“As punishment, I was to wed a monster. Only her son took the monster’s place. 

“In order to honor the Goddess’s judgement, I was to stay in the dark and not know my husband’s identity. Only, I — I betrayed my husband, lit a lamp, and looked upon him.”

Saying it out loud before the Queen was so difficult.

Would She understand the struggle of the choice Psyche had made?

“You married Eros?” the Queen said, raising a flawless eyebrow. “And he took you for his wife of his own accord?” 

Psyche considered for a moment. 

“Yes, it would seem so,” Psyche said. “He did it to protect me from his mother’s desire to punish me.” 

“So he didn’t think you deserved punishment,” the Queen said. 

Psyche wasn’t sure if the Queen was asking a question or making a statement, so she waited. 

“What did Eros do after you looked upon him?” the Queen asked.

“I was sent back to my parents’ house where I stayed — until I wondered if I might somehow return and be with my husband,” Psyche said. “I knew I had done wrong, but I hoped that somehow I could atone for my mistakes and find a way back.”

“Do you love him?” the Queen asked. 

Psyche bowed her head.

“Of course you do,” the Queen said. “It would be hard not to fall in love with the God of Desire, I suppose.”

“Oh, he is so much more,” Psyche said, looking up. “The dark allowed me to get to know him and I loved him well before I knew who he was.”

“Then why did you light the lamp?” the Queen said. 

“I — I couldn’t bear the isolation,” Psyche said, feeling her cheeks grow hot. “I missed the villagers and — and being able to help them. 

“I didn’t mind the dark. I didn’t even mind not knowing who he was. It was enough that he loved me. I certainly loved him. It was as close to paradise as I’ve ever known. 

“But paradise without freedom is still a kind of prison. I couldn’t stay.”

“I see,” the Queen said. “And now you are trying to get back? To your prison?”

“No,” Psyche said. “I gained an audience with the Goddess Aphrodite and it was determined that if I could prove myself worthy, I could be with Eros openly. I wouldn’t have to be with him under the same conditions as before.”

“Interesting,” the Queen said. “Is that how Aphrodite has chosen to prove your worth? By having you come and ask me for my beauty?”

“It’s one of three tasks. I have completed the other two. This is my third and final task,” Psyche said.

“I see,” the Queen said, thinking. 

Psyche stood waiting, wondering what the Queen would say. 

“Did you know, Psyche,” the Queen said, “that it is Eros who is responsible for my being here in the Underworld? It was his arrow which pierced Hades’s heart and prompted him to steal me away from my mother.”

Psyche’s heart sank. 

She remembered the story of Persephone, Goddess of the Spring, joy of Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest. Persephone had nobly resisted her presence in the Underworld until she was tricked into eating six pomegranate seeds. That act forced her to remain with Hades for six months out of every year. 

Psyche bowed her head. 

“I’m sorry,” Psyche said. 

“Don’t be,” the Queen said. She rose and approached Psyche.

“You and I share something in common,” the Queen said. “We have both suffered at the hands of Aphrodite and Eros.”

The Queen paused and looked directly at Psyche. 

“If given the choice, I would choose this,” the Queen said. “I would choose to be the wife of Hades. 

“It doesn’t matter what is forced upon us. We always have a choice. If given the choice, Psyche, what would you choose?”

Psyche thought for a moment.

“I’m not sure,” Psyche said.

The Queen stood thinking. 

“What did you do for the people?” the Queen asked. “Why do you think they worshipped you?” 

“Well, I would try to help lighten their burdens,” Psyche said. “If they were feeling sad or were overly-worried, I would listen. If they lacked confidence, I would try to help them see their worth.”

“Did you succeed?” the Queen asked.

“It seems that at times I did,” Psyche said. 

“You’re being too modest, I think,” the Queen said, pensive. 

Psyche didn’t feel she was being too modest.

“Psyche, there are a handful of mortals who make the mistake of elevating other mortals to the status of worship. Lovers, mostly. Some parents for their children,” the Queen said.

“These mortals who worship other mortals come to the Underworld and are completely lost. They lament the separation. Perhaps you heard some of them on the Plains on your way here. 

“But rarely do mortals build shrines and give tokens to other mortals. Rarer still do entire kingdoms and beyond do such a thing.” 

“I never asked for such,” Psyche said.

“You don’t have to,” the Queen said, simply. “People can’t help but worship what is worthy of their love and devotion. They recognize your power and the blessings you bestow upon them. 

“We’ve seen the results of your work down here.”

Psyche looked confused.

“Psyche, the Underworld is, needless to say, quite difficult for some when they first arrive,” the Queen said. “But we have noticed small changes in those who enter here. More are willing to help on the Plains. More are ready to enter their eternal rest.

“Many of them come from your worshippers, Psyche. They are at peace. They are inspired. They know their worth and are unafraid.”

Psyche thought about Daphne. 

“Why do you do what you do, Psyche?” the Queen asked.

“I love them,” Psyche said. “I love working among them. I love listening to them and inspiring them. I love watching them reach greater heights.”

“And your love is powerful, Psyche,” the Queen said. “It heals, it helps, it makes them whole.” 

Psyche blushed. 

“Aphrodite was wrong to punish you. She should have helped you. She should have worked with you. Something happened to Aphrodite and for a while now she acts on impulse. She is passionate and often short-sighted,” the Queen said. “The beautiful thing about the Cosmos, though, Psyche, is that while she hoped to punish you, she’s turned you into something far greater than I’m sure she ever imagined.”

Psyche had become something greater? 

She didn’t understand. 

“Psyche, you are already worthy. You’re worthy of Eros. You’re worthy to live among the gods,” the Queen said. “I will help you complete your task.”

For all of the things the Queen had said, her last sentence brought Psyche the most relief.

“Thank you,” Psyche said, bursting with joy.

The Queen smiled slightly at Psyche’s reaction, and extended her hand forward. Psyche gave her the box.

The Queen held it in her hand for a moment.

“Think about where you belong, Psyche,” the Queen said, looking at her. “Your worthiness and your belonging is not determined by Aphrodite. It’s determined by what you believe about yourself and the choices you make. You still have many choices ahead.” 

She couldn’t understand what the Queen meant, but Psyche watched as the Queen slid the lid to the side and began pouring some of her light into it.  

It was a marvelous sight. 

To have such beauty, Psyche thought again. 

The Queen gracefully slid the lid back into place and handed the box back to Psyche.

Psyche held it in her hand and let out a breath. 

“Psyche,” the Queen said gently. “I hope to see you again.”

Psyche nodded absently.

“Thank you,” she said.

“I would like to make your return journey easier if I may,” the Queen said. “You’re looking a little worse for wear.”

The Queen stepped closer to Psyche. Psyche could feel the warmth of her light.

“Close your eyes,” the Queen said. 

Psyche obeyed. It was like closing her eyes against the light of the sun.

“Think about where you need to be,” the Queen instructed. “Where you need to land. Do you have it in your mind?”

Psyche visualized the place where the chariot had stopped, where she’d seen the crack in the ground, where she’d begun her descent into the Underworld. 

“Yes,” Psyche said.

She felt a soft warmth, starting from her head and gradually descending until it reached her feet. 

Then she felt cold again. There was a light breeze on her cheek. 

“Open your eyes,” the Queen’s voice instructed her. 

She opened her eyes and found herself standing above ground, looking down at the crack to the Underworld. 

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