If I Had Words

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Chapter 77      Chapter 79

Psyche was finally free. 

She looked down at her body. She felt sorry for it. It had worked so hard, tried so hard to prove itself. 

There was no need anymore. 

No more pain. No more struggle. 

Psyche had lived a good life. She left behind others who would continue her work among the living. 

It was time to make her journey to join the dead.

Psyche instinctively made her way back towards the Underworld and saw others who were journeying along with her. 

She noticed in the light of the sun, they were almost invisible. 

They all descended into the Underworld through a different way, passing various gates and checkpoints. There was no way she would have made it through the main gate in her mortal body. The journey defied the laws of the living world.

Upon entering the Underworld, the countenance and radiance of the spirits changed. Some of the dead were brilliant and glowing. These were the ones she had seen faintly in the sunlight. Others she hadn’t even seen until they reached the gloom. Their countenance matched the grey sky. 

Psyche had failed her test. She had opened the box and let out the Queen’s beauty. 

She didn’t know that the Queen had put in the beauty of peace, the beauty of reckoning and — 

— the beauty of death.

She didn’t mind. She felt immense joy. She was as beautiful as the Queen now. She could think of nothing she wanted more. 

At last she found herself again on the Plains. Here is where her real work could begin. 

Psyche had been so short-sighted, so focused on the smallness of her kingdom. 

Now Psyche could continue her work into the eternities, helping souls reconcile and find their eternal rest on the Elysian Fields.

She couldn’t wait to get started. And she didn’t have long to wait.

“Are you in charge here?” a grey spirit asked Psyche. 

“Not exactly, but can I help you?” Psyche said. 

“There’s been some mistake,” the spirit said. “I have to go back. I need to speak to someone in charge.”

The grey spirit was a little hard to see, but she could make out a look of concern on his face. 

“What is your name?” Psyche said.

“Zeno,” he said, absently. 

Whenever he looked at her, a light shone on his face and she could see him a little better. 

“What is the mistake, Zeno?” Psyche asked. 

“I shouldn’t be here,” he said, irritated. “Don’t you know who I am?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t,” Psyche said. 

Zeno turned his focus on her.

“I am Zeno, defender of the faithful. I am the leader of the followers of Zeus,” he said. “It is I who leads the way and keeps watch over the skies. I can’t do that from here.”

“Is there someone who could do it in your absence?” Psyche said. 

“No!” Zeno said, aghast. “No, I am the only one. I alone know the signs of Zeus’s coming. The ripples of the wind and the patterns of energy. I alone can alert the rest and prepare them for the lights in the sky.”

“Do you know where you are?” Psyche said. 

Zeno scoffed.

“Do I know where I am?” he said with disgust. “As if I wouldn’t know this horrid place. This is Hades’s domain. There is nothing in this place worth noting. See the pathetic spirits here?”

He gave the landscape and spirits around them a passing glance.  

“You, at least, seem to be someone worth talking to. Who are you?” he said. 

“I’m Psyche,” Psyche said. 

Just Psyche, she thought. 

It felt good. 

“Well, Psyche,” Zeno said. “Who do I need to speak to about getting back to the land of the living?” 

“I’ve only just arrived myself, so I don’t know,” Psyche said, trying to think how she might help. He was clearly struggling with the realities of death, but she wasn’t sure what to do.

“Perhaps I can help,” said a cheerful voice. 

“Daphne!” Psyche said, turning. 

Her friend looked different, more solid and even brighter than she had been before. 

She was so beautiful!

“Daphne! It’s so good to see you again!” Psyche said, giving her a real hug this time. 

Daphne looked concerned. 

“What are you doing here, Princess?” she asked Psyche. 

“Princess?” Zeno said. “You’re a princess are you? Well, surely you can get someone to attend to me. I shouldn’t be here.” 

Psyche turned to Zeno.

“Titles mean nothing here,” Psyche said. 

Finally, Psyche thought.  A place where everyone was equal. Worldly wealth and hierarchies didn’t follow individuals to the Underworld. 

Zeno didn’t seem to share her happiness with the state of things.

“What?!? What do you mean?” Zeno said. “Are you ridiculous enough to imply that the faithful, the most pious to the gods, have no special place here?”

Daphne gave Psyche a look. Psyche took a slight step back as Daphne stepped forward.

“Your service to the gods is much appreciated,” Daphne said, extending her arm as if to guide him the other way, “but here, all are equal. If you’ll just come this way, I can help lead you to the Elysian Fields, where all can find joy.”

“ALL?” Zeno coughed, pulling away. “The Elysian Fields are only for heroes and the most virtuous souls! It’s not just for anyone!”

“All who are prepared may enter,” Daphne said. 

“Then what about all of that watching and waiting?? All of the sacrifices I made to Zeus? The years I spent warning others of his appearances so that he could gather more followers?

“Did that mean nothing?” Zeno asked.

Daphne patiently looked at Zeno.

“Why were you so faithful? What was the purpose of your efforts?” Daphne asked.

“To bring more followers to Zeus! To give them someone to look to. My example of piety helped so many people know the proper way of worship. That’s why — that’s why I must get back,” Zeno said, remembering his purpose. “The followers of Zeus will be lost without me. They need me! I must get back!” 

Daphne watched as Zeno started walking away from the women and towards some direction he figured would lead him to a reentry point. It had to be somewhere. There had to be a way back. 

There had to be!

“What do you do with such spirits?” Psyche asked Daphne as they watched Zeno wander this way and that. He was somewhat difficult to see as his dull light blended in with the Plains. 

“It’s just a matter of patience,” Daphne said. “There’s no rush. Spirits like his can take as much time as they wish.” 

Psyche nodded thoughtfully. Then she noticed Daphne looking at her with an odd expression on her face. 

“What?” Psyche said.

“It’s just — It’s amazing that I have the privilege of sharing what I know with you, Princess.” Daphne said in awe of the moment. “I never thought I would ever have something to teach you. Not ever.”

Psyche chuckled. 

“I have always learned from you, Daphne,” Psyche said. “Why would it be any different down here?”

Daphne looked at her. 

“Why are you here?” Daphne asked. “Weren’t you able to speak with the Queen? What happened?” 

“Oh, the Queen,” Psyche said. “You were right. She is so kind. She helped me with my task for Aphrodite, but I failed. It wasn’t meant to be. I don’t mind. It’s like everything finally makes sense. I finally feel like I belong. I’m so happy to be here.” 

“You do shine even brighter here,” Daphne said. “You are almost as bright as the Queen. You’ll have to be careful. Some of the most troubled spirits will be drawn to you.”

As if on cue, a wanderer caught sight of them and started towards them. 

“Please,” the spirit wailed. “Please.”

She was even greyer than Zeno.

“What is it?” Psyche said, closing the gap and approaching the spirit. 

At the brightness of Psyche’s light, the spirit shied away slightly. 

“I can’t find him,” the spirit said weakly. “I’ve looked everywhere, but I can’t find him.”

“Who?” Psyche asked.

“My husband,” the spirit said. “He came here before me. He has to be here somewhere.” 

“If you haven’t found him here, he’s likely already reached his eternal rest,” Daphne said, joining them. “You will find him there.”

The spirit turned to them in horror and then turned away again, squinting against their brightness.

“Oh, I can’t go there,” the spirit said. “Not looking like this. He can’t see me like this.”

“Like what?” Psyche said. “You look beautiful.” 

Indeed the spirit looked pleasant, except for her woeful countenance. 

“I’m horribly ugly. Just look at me. If only I were beautiful like you,” the spirit said. “My husband was the only one who ever really saw any kind of beauty in me. If only he were here. I need him. I can’t go anywhere without him. 

“They will all look at me and laugh.”

The spirit started to wail. 

Psyche looked at Daphne. 

“Is there any way to help her?” Psyche asked.

Daphne sadly shook her head. 

“We can talk to her, but it might take some time for her to change how she sees herself,” Daphne said.

Psyche thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure how the Underworld worked, but if it was anything like Eros’s world, or some of the strange places she’d been, she wondered if she could try something. 

“Do you know what I see?” Psyche said, drawing closer to the spirit as her wailing died down a little.

“What?” the spirit said, stealing a side glance towards Psyche. 

“I see beauty. I see kindness and care,” Psyche said.

“That’s impossible,” the spirit said, looking away again. “You couldn’t possibly see all of that, not under all of this ugliness.”

Still, the spirit brightened slightly. 

“Will you let me show you?” Psyche said. 

Daphne tilted her head to the side. What was Psyche planning to do?

The spirit cowered as Psyche stretched out her hand. 

“Won’t you let me?” Psyche pleaded. “Please?” 

Cautiously, carefully, the spirit turned to her and tried to look at her. 

“It’s too bright,” the spirit said, turning away. “I can’t see.”

“Then close your eyes,” Psyche said. “Put out your hands and keep your eyes closed. You won’t need your eyes to see what I have to show you.”

The spirit closed her eyes and turned towards Psyche. She slowly raised her hands and Psyche carefully took them. 

Psyche closed her eyes too and started to inwardly reach for the spirit. 

She could feel all of her pain. There had been so many unkind words, so much rejection. 

Psyche’s spirit briefly shuddered. 

“It hurts,” Psyche said gently. “I’m so sorry.”

The spirit started to gently sob. 

Still holding the spirit’s hands, Psyche reached out to her with tender feelings of love. She started small, just with a kind, gentle sense of love and worth. 

The spirit started to brighten. 

“I can feel something,” the spirit said. 

“That is your worth,” Psyche said.

Psyche could see this spirit’s efforts to make friends. She had tried hard to please others, even though others didn’t always understand or notice what she was doing. 

“I can see it,” Psyche said, increasing a bit of her light. “You are so caring. You’ve tried so hard. I can see how much you’ve shown others the love and kindness you wish for yourself. 

“You are worthy of the same.”

The spirit grew brighter and then dimmed a little. 

“I’ve tried, but no one seems to accept what I have to offer,” the spirit said. “I’ve tried.”

“We can see it here,” Psyche said. “We love you here. You are loved and accepted as you are and as you can be. You can be more. You have not yet tapped into the fullness of your beauty. 

“This is just the beginning.”

The spirit continued to brighten as Psyche poured more light in. 

“You are so beautiful,” Psyche said. 

“I can feel it!” the spirit said. “I am beautiful. I am!” 

The spirit opened her eyes and marveled. She could see Psyche now without it hurting.

“You are,” Psyche said. “I’m sure your husband misses you. I imagine he can’t wait to see you. He’s always been able to see you for the person you really are. Here, we can all see it too.” 

Daphne joined them. 

“I see it,” Daphne said. 

“Really?? You see it?” the spirit said, looking at Daphne. 

“Look,” Psyche instructed. 

The spirit looked down and her eyes grew wide with surprise as she saw the brightness of her personage. 

“How??” she said. “How am I so bright?”

“I’m sharing how I see you,” Psyche said. “And you’re letting yourself shine.” 

“I am??” she said. 

“You are,” Daphne said. 

Psyche let go of the spirit’s hands and she faded somewhat. 

“What happened?” the spirit said, concerned. “Why did I fade?”

“You have to let your own light shine,” Psyche said, smiling.

“I don’t have any light,” the spirit said. “Do I?” 

“Of course you do,” Psyche said. “How else do you think you’re still shining? That’s you.”

“That’s me??” the spirit said, glowing brighter. 

“See!” Psyche said.“That was you and you’re beautiful. Your husband is surely eager to see you. Does he even know you’re here?” 

The spirit faded significantly.

“He tried,” the spirit said, almost in a whisper. 

“He tried what?” Daphne said, trying to understand. 

“He tried to help me out here, but it didn’t work,” the spirit said. “I — I wasn’t ready.”

“Do you feel ready now?” Psyche said. 

“I think so,” she said. 

“Do you know where to find him?” Daphne asked. 

“He said — he said he would be waiting for me, that I could meet him when I was ready. But I was — I was so ashamed,” the spirit said. 

“You don’t need to feel ashamed anymore,” Psyche said.  

“He’ll be so happy to see you,” Daphne said. 

“And I’ll be happy to see him,” the spirit said. “Look at me!” 

The spirit’s smile brightened her countenance.

“Are you ready to find him?” Daphne said. 

“I’m ready,” the spirit said. “And I know just where to look. Thank you so much.” 

The spirit took turns hugging Psyche and Daphne. 

“I can’t wait to see him!” the spirit said.

Psyche and Daphne watched as the light of the spirit made its way across the Plains. She was no longer wandering, but making her way purposefully. 

“How did you do that?” Daphne said in wonder. 

“I let her borrow some of my light,” Psyche said. “Sometimes people just need to feel it before they’re ready to believe it.” 

“I’ve never seen anything like that before,” Daphne said. “Normally it takes some time to convince a spirit like that of her worth.” 

“I know what that’s like,” Psyche said. “It’s hard to believe. It’s easier to doubt. Sometimes we just need someone to show us.” 

“I understand why so many people worshipped you,” Daphne said. “It is so much easier to see now.”

“None of that matters,” Psyche said, happily. “We are free to do our work here. We are free to help and share our light. We can shine as brightly as we want. We can help as many people as we can. 

“We won’t disturb anyone here.”

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