If I Had Words

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Chapter 86      Chapter 88

“Let’s begin,” Zeus said, signaling to the rest of the gods to take their seats. 

His brothers Hades and Poseidon had joined him again at the head of the room. Everyone seemed to have returned and gradually the side conversations died down. 

Zeus nodded and Athena stepped forward. 

“Honored council, I’m sure many of you are still wondering why this case matters so much,” Athena said. “I know it is hard for many to believe that this mortal could be a goddess. Some are wondering how I can dare make such a claim. 

“I thank Hades for allowing her soul to join her body so that we may, of our own, question her. This gives us an opportunity to consider her more holistically, not just in terms of whether she has abused the powers of love and beauty. Our examination must expand its view to consider how she fits within the cosmos. 

“We may try to ignore the fact that we are dependent on one another. Realms and powers affect each other and overlap. It is the nature of the cosmos. It is for this reason that we are all called here, to judge collectively. We must not let the judgement of one determine the answer for us all. 

“Because, dear council, deny it as we might, her fate affects us all,” Athena said, pointing to Psyche.

Psyche was sitting in the front, facing the crowd with her back to the three patriarchs.

Eros wished he could sit with her. He could tell she was uncomfortable. He understood why Athena had said Psyche needed to sit alone. She needed to prove her own strength, show the gods that she belonged among them.

But it was hard watching her as she prepared herself to answer their questions. 

Psyche looked at him. 

Eros smiled, trying to reassure her. 

She smiled back. 

The way she smiled made him feel so happy. 

His smile got bigger.

Her smile got bigger. 

Psyche looked at Eros. He had the biggest smile on his face. 

He loved her. He wanted her to succeed. 

Her success depended on her ability to be herself. 

Psyche thought about her time in the Underworld. She had been able to shine brightly there. Now she was back in her mortal shell with all of its scratches and bruises. Her dress was still missing the decoration she’d cut off and there were holes from the thorns and bushes she’d run through. 

She looked around the room. 

So many bright and brilliant faces. 

It was so intimidating. 

She reminded herself it didn’t matter. The gods would judge where she belonged. All she needed to do was channel enough confidence to allow them to see her true self. She hoped she would know what to say when it was her turn to speak. 

Which was now. 

“For the benefit of those gathered,” Athena said to Psyche, “please introduce yourself and tell us why you think you’re here.”

Psyche stood, reminding herself that she was a princess. Mortal or not, she still knew how to speak to a crowd.  

“I am Psyche, third daughter to the king and queen of A Kingdom Not Far From Here. I am a mortal and, before my death, was the wife of Eros, God of Desire,” Psyche said, trying to speak calmly. “I am here to be judged by this council as to where I belong. I accept your will and judgement.” 

“Thank you, Psyche,” Athena said. “We hear you’ve had quite the adventure already. The Goddess Aphrodite has judged you and saw fit to punish you. You’ve endured the dark, losing your husband, and going through further trials which resulted in your presence in the Underworld. We all witnessed your resurrection, which looked to be rather painful. Thank you for joining us. Hopefully, with your help, we can determine where you belong.”

Athena paused for a moment.

“I’m curious to know,” Athena said, “how is it that the people of your kingdom began worshipping you?”  

Psyche closed her eyes. This question had been asked so many times. It had plagued her own mind since talking to Eros when he was pretending to be the oracle. It had taken her some time to finally understand the answer. She hoped now she could find the words. 

“Finding the answer to this question, Great Goddess, has been part of my journey,” Psyche said. “It didn’t really make sense until I failed my final task and released the beauty of the Queen of the Underworld.”

Athena nodded.

“Right,” Athena said, thinking. “Persephone said it contained a sort of ‘reckoning’. Were you able to see more clearly your faults and flaws?”   

“My life was mostly spent feeling flawed and unworthy,” Psyche said. “I felt like I often failed to fulfill my duties as a princess in the way my sisters did. I felt like the shrine and all of the gifts people gave me were too much. I felt like it was more than I deserved. Eros tried to tell me I deserved more, but it was hard to believe. 

“When I released the beauty of the Queen of the Underworld, things finally made sense. People worshipped me because I could help them. Through the course of my life, and with the freedom afforded a third daughter of a wealthy kingdom, I was able to develop certain abilities. Perhaps they could even be called powers. I’m not quite sure. But I was able to listen and understand what people really needed. Not what they said; not what they did; but what they really needed at their core.”

“Interesting,” Athena said. “What do you mean?” 

Psyche thought for a moment. 

“It might be easier to show you,” Psyche said. 

“How would you show us?” Athena said. 

“With a demonstration,” Psyche said. “I have been doing work in the Underworld and Eros has taught me a few things about this realm. Isn’t there a way I could show the council?” 

All eyes turned to Eros and he blushed. 

“I had a better sense of what she was feeling based on what she created,” Eros said. “So, I showed her the ways of creation using the elements.”

“What did she create?” Athena said, curious.  

“Simple things mostly,” Eros said. “She didn’t have any ambition. She didn’t make anything above what she thought she deserved.” 

“What do you deserve, Psyche?” Hera said. “Now that you’ve released Persephone’s beauty and you’ve had your reckoning, do you think you deserve to be a goddess?” 

“I don’t know,” Psyche said, starting to wonder if she’d done something wrong by suggesting the demonstration. 

“Perhaps Eros has made her think that having a shrine and learning to use some of our powers makes her a goddess,” Apollo said. “She suggests using our powers so casually, as if they already belong to her.”

“No. I’m sorry. I –” Psyche said.  

“Mortals cannot become as we are!” Ares said, cutting in with sudden force. He stole a glance at Aphrodite and hoped she noticed him helping.

“I have to agree,” Hera said. “Mortals are not meant to be as the gods. If we were to grant this mortal power, even for a demonstration, others would think themselves deserving of it as well. We cannot allow it.” 

Aphrodite smiled at Ares. Finally, he was being useful. 

“Council,” Aphrodite said. “We know the magnitude of the powers we hold. As you see, Eros has let her play with it. Athena sees no problem with making her a goddess. 

“Our powers are not to be trifled with. You see how this mortal plays and pretends. She is an imposter. She is but a shadow of a real goddess.”

“Let’s see it then,” Athena said, facing Aphrodite. “Let’s see how this mortal measures in her performance compared to one of our own.” 

Aphrodite gave Athena a dark look. 

“What are you suggesting, Athena?” Zeus asked.

“Psyche has been accused of playing the goddess,” Athena said. “Why not let her show us and see how her performance compares with Aphrodite’s. If Psyche is a pretender, it will be obvious.”

Zeus looked at his brothers. 

Should they allow this mortal to challenge Aphrodite? Grant her temporary powers for a demonstration?

“It would be an interesting display,” Poseidon said. “I don’t think it would hurt.”

Hades simply nodded.

“Alright, Athena,” Zeus said. “But the powers will be revoked anytime we feel things are getting out of hand.” 

“To allow this mortal to even get a taste of our power –” Aphrodite said. 

“What would it hurt to do a little demonstration for the rest of us to see?” Athena said. “You’re not afraid of losing, are you?”

“But to have a mortal directly challenge the gods –” Aphrodite said. 

“She’s not challenging the gods,” Athena said. “She’s challenging you. You were the one who said she was abusing your powers. Well, let’s see it.”

“Perhaps Hera could manage the challenge,” Demeter said. “I’m interested in seeing what this mortal can do.” 

Demeter looked Psyche up and down, noting her appearance.

“Though,” Demeter added, “you might want to consider what you’ve put her through already.”

Aphrodite stiffened. Demeter just had to step in and help Athena. And she had to call attention to Psyche’s ragged state. As if Aphrodite needed to go easy on her. Aphrodite looked at Psyche. Demeter might feel sorry for her, but Aphrodite knew better. She was not to be underestimated. Still, Aphrodite would soon show this mortal her place. 

Hera stepped forward. 

“You go first, Aphrodite,” Hera said. “And I have to agree with Demeter. Given what you’ve already put her through, you might want to keep it simple to start.”  

Athena glanced briefly at Eros. 

Eros could see Athena’s wisdom in not healing Psyche too much. It drew in a bit more sympathy for her. 

“Fine,” Aphrodite said. “But I will only agree to this challenge if Psyche is not allowed to use my powers. She cannot be allowed to continue as a mock goddess. She must use whatever powers she has of her own.” 

Then, turning to Psyche, Aphrodite smiled.

“I’ll make this easy for you,” Aphrodite said. No one would be able to accuse her of being a bully. 

Before them appeared a young woman, ugly and miserable. 

“So many women come to me, praying for gifts of beauty,” Aphrodite said. “They are suffering under the weight of feeling rejected and unloved. They have suffered torment and ridicule. They come to me hoping that, through the gifts of my beauty, they can find true happiness. 

“It is by my power, my gifts, that they receive relief from such pain and suffering. It is by my power they are able to find true joy.”

Aphrodite transformed the young woman into a great beauty, confident and praiseworthy. 

“She is now rewarded for her prayers and piety,” Aphrodite said. “She remains a loyal follower and worshipper of the gods. It is not just me she worships, but through me, her faith in the gods is strengthened. She knows she can look to us to help her with her problems.”

The gods nodded their approval. 

“Psyche,” Athena said. “What would you do? Keep in mind you cannot grant any direct gifts of beauty as Aphrodite has done. You must find another way.”

Psyche stepped forward. She felt for the powers of creation she’d learned to use while living with Eros. They were there but limited. She silently thanked them for helping her. 

Some of the gods exchanged glances. Psyche thanked the elements? They were but tools. This mortal was rather odd. 

“I do not wish to contradict the Goddess of Beauty,” Psyche began. “I certainly do not want to imply, by anything I will demonstrate, that it is my goal to discourage mortals from worshipping the gods. It’s just that there is more to this. There are things which are often overlooked. 

“I too have seen this play out many times in my kingdom. Women and girls pray for beauty, expecting the improvement of their outward appearance to help them obtain what they so desperately want. They pray for beauty and hope to find favor with the Goddess. If She smiles upon them, their lives get better. If She doesn’t, they are doomed to misery.

“But what do they really need?” 

Psyche created a gathering of young girls in the center of the council room. 

“These girls are real,” Psyche said. “They were girls from the village in my kingdom.”

They all watched as the girls played together. 

“We all want to be beautiful because we see how the more attractive among us are treated better,” Psyche said. “We learn through our associations that as long as we look better than our worst fellow, we have a chance of being praiseworthy — or at the very least, not treated as badly.” 

The girls began playing a game of “who is the fairest?” They discussed and debated which aspects of beauty mattered most. Definitely one’s face and nose. Certainly one’s teeth and skin. Undeniably one’s figure and hair. 

“I have seen women and girls turn beauty into a competition,” Psyche said. “We rank each other and compete for the top positions in our various versions of beauty contests. It gives us a sense of worth as we compare ourselves to others and rank higher.”

One of the girls ranked last. 

“This is Phoebe,” Psyche said. “She was told by her peers that she was not beautiful enough. Many girls and women are told these things, maybe in not so many words, but in a variety of ways. 

“She felt inadequate. She had been measured against the other girls and was found lacking. Phoebe was told to pay homage to Aphrodite and ask for more beauty.

“She is not unlike this young woman Aphrodite has blessed.”

Psyche turned to Aphrodite’s creation. 

“I have seen what happens when beauty is given as Aphrodite has granted it,” Psyche said. “The mortal believes it is beauty which gives her great fortune and favor.”

“It is,” Aphrodite said, indignantly. “It is my power which can do so many things for her. It provides her more opportunities which would otherwise be denied.”

“Yes,” Psyche said. “But how does this transformation affect her soul?” 

“Her soul?” Aphrodite scoffed. “What do I have to do with that? Her soul is the part of her which goes on to Hades’s realm. That is beyond my jurisdiction.” 

“I have seen these souls during my time in the Underworld,” Psyche said. “I knew it already, but I was able to see for myself what happens when you neglect the soul’s care while it lives in the mortal frame. 

“If I may.”

Psyche took the beautiful woman and put her before the many young men she could now choose from. 

“This is new to her,” Psyche said. “She feels so happy and triumphant to have so much attention. Before her transformation, she couldn’t imagine anyone wanting her. Now she has more factors to consider. What is the true height of her beauty? What more could Aphrodite give her? How many more men could she attract if she looked even better, if she prayed even more?

“But that is just the beginning of her troubles.”

Psyche created another beautiful young woman.

“Now she has a rival,” Psyche said. “Because she doesn’t understand where her value lies, this woman threatens to take away her sense of worth. They both cannot be the fairest.”

Psyche created the people who had made the young woman feel ugly. 

“She still has wounds from their unkind words,” Psyche said. “Now that she is beautiful, she can make them feel the pain she was forced to endure.”

Psyche aged the young woman slightly.

“And of course, she begins to age as all mortals do,” Psyche said. “Now she is competing with her younger self which cannot be reclaimed. She will never be as beautiful as she was in her youth.”

Psyche looked at Aphrodite’s young woman.

“She believes her only value lies in her outward appearance and her comparative superiority. She makes enemies. She competes. She steals away more hearts. She doesn’t care if other lives are ruined. She has no room for their thoughts and feelings. They are all threats to her sense of worth. 

“Without attending to her soul, the path ahead of this young woman does not lead to the happiness promised.”

Psyche returned to Phoebe.

“When this girl came to me, I could have pointed her towards praying to Aphrodite as her peers had counseled her,” Psyche said. “It may sound like blasphemy to have directed her otherwise. I did not intend to deprive Aphrodite of a faithful patron.

“But this girl came to me with a question, not promised devotion to my shrine.”

Psyche looked at Phoebe, remembering their conversation all those years ago. 

“She was hurting,” Psyche said sadly. “She felt worthless and was searching for a way to feel better. She asked me how my beauty was different. At the time I didn’t really know, but I know now.”

Psyche turned to Aphrodite.

“I’m sorry I failed my final task and deprived you of the gift of the Queen’s beauty. It was meant for you, not for me. I am truly sorry, for as soon as the Queen’s beauty touched me, as I mentioned, I could finally see myself without the filter of my own doubts and insecurities.”

Psyche found Persephone.

“Thank you,” Psyche said. “Thank you for the most wonderful gift, even if it wasn’t meant for me.” 

Persephone gave Aphrodite a look as Psyche turned back to the council. At least Psyche could appreciate the gift she’d given, even if Aphrodite found the idea of reckoning repulsive. 

Aphrodite scowled back.

“I do not have the powers of love and beauty as the Goddess Aphrodite possesses,” Psyche said. “I have never been in direct competition with her. Instead, I have provided my worshippers something else. What I gave them depended on what they needed. In this case, I helped this young woman change the game by helping her change her perspective. She didn’t have to see the other girls as her competitors. She could look at them with kindness and understanding as she searched for something unique and beautiful to her.

“It was the beginning of her journey which helped her eventually see that beauty does not only rest in the outward appearance. In its purest form, it is an outward manifestation of the beauty of the soul.”

Psyche transformed Phoebe into the young woman she had become. She was beautiful. She was confident and caring. She radiated love and light. 

“My power helped her grow her own beauty from within,” Psyche said. “It gave her more than outward admiration from others. It gave her self-worth and confidence. She didn’t wish to dominate. She didn’t fear rivals.”

Psyche materialized the tragic scene of Daphne and Phoebe lying on a table inside a humble home. 

“As mortals, we face so many more challenges than the concerns of being beautiful,” Psyche said. “This tragedy could have destroyed her. She would have felt responsible for the death of her friend. She would have mourned her loss for too long. She would have stopped caring for herself or for anyone else. 

“My care and strength sustained her. It helped relieve her of the guilt that threatened to consume her, turning it into a greater understanding that death is not the end. And one day, she will be reunited with her friend.”

Psyche paused. 

“Honored council,” Psyche said. “I am not here to challenge the gods or disrupt the natural cycle of what I am meant to be. I have done my best to answer the needs of the things I see around me. I want to help. I want to use my strengths —  wherever I am, wherever it is that I belong.” 

The room stood silent for a moment as the council considered Psyche’s words. They couldn’t help noting the results of Psyche’s Phoebe and Aphrodite’s generic young woman. There was a distinct difference in the qualities of the beauties each of them possessed.

Hera frowned. 

This mortal was definitely not what she had been expecting. She had looked so weak. Hera had expected Aphrodite to win this little challenge easily. However, it was clear that Psyche’s results were superior. Psyche had even used examples from the work she had done during the course of her life. 

But to declare her a goddess still seemed somewhat of a stretch. 

Fortunately, Hera was rescued by her sister Demeter. 

“Impressive, Psyche,” Demeter said, moving forward. “It is nice to see someone with a deeper understanding of beauty and perhaps even the cosmos. I have long felt that Aphrodite’s powers were missing something. 

“But whether you’re meant to be a goddess, as Athena suggests you should be, requires further examination. You wouldn’t mind if I took a turn with the questioning, would you?” 

Demeter nodded to Athena and Hera who both took steps back to make space for her in the center. 

Psyche drew in a breath and faced the Goddess of the Harvest. 

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