If I Had Words

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Demeter had been watching the trial carefully. She’d almost gotten up and left when she’d found out the meeting was over some mortal. Eros’s wife? Even better. Leave her in the Underworld. He deserved to lose what he loved. 

And anyway, he could just get another. 

However, Demeter couldn’t figure out why Athena was so interested. It made sense that she would care for mortals since she had helped create them. Still. Why care so much? And why suggest that this particular mortal become a goddess?

A ridiculous notion. 

Slowly, though, the trial got more and more interesting. Of course Aphrodite was displaying her usual impulsive and jealous behavior. She might be fooling some of the gods that she actually cared about letting mortals have too much power. Demeter could see right through her. She felt threatened by Psyche and wanted to eliminate her. 

That almost made Demeter seriously consider Athena’s idea. Keep Psyche around to torment Aphrodite merely by her presence? 

Tempting.

Demeter didn’t like to think of herself as petty, but Eros and Aphrodite had struck where it hurt most. Persephone had been the brightest light in her life. 

The only light.

Demeter was over it now. Mostly. She had at least come to terms with the fact that she had to share Persephone with the Underworld. 

Still a horrid place.

Though, watching this mortal return with Persephone and Hades was unexpectedly eye opening. This mortal’s soul seemed to actually like Hades. 

Odd. 

The most delightful, however, had been this most recent development. Demeter had been mildly hopeful that this mortal would cause Aphrodite some embarrassment. It turned out even better than Demeter had hoped.  Aphrodite’s results had been laughably inferior. 

Perhaps it really was worth keeping this Psyche around. 

“Psyche,” Demeter said. “I can’t say I have any love for Eros. It was, admittedly, surprising to hear him apologize for some of the pain and anguish he has caused. The fact that he was willing to take you, rather than simply do his mother’s bidding, says a lot. He’s usually only too happy to do whatever she says.”

Eros looked down. 

“It is rather amusing that in Aphrodite’s efforts to test you and prove you unworthy,” Demeter continued, “she asked you to sort the grain. I can see, Aphrodite, you still aren’t completely free of your guilt. Store all the grain you want. I have better things to do than worry about seeking revenge.

“And anyway, we have all moved on. No need to keep bringing up the past.”

Demeter looked at Psyche.

“Would you really want to be one of us?” Demeter said. “Would you want to return to Eros? Athena was right when she said he was an abuser of love. You weren’t here for that part, but you should know he’s not usually very faithful to his lovers. Like his mother. They can’t seem to stay devoted to anyone. And they are only too happy to mock and destroy the love of others. 

“Is he really worth it?” 

Psyche considered for a moment how to answer. 

“You love Persephone, don’t you?” Psyche said. “When she goes to the Underworld, you don’t stop loving her. When she chose to stay with Hades, you didn’t stop loving her.”

“She didn’t choose to be with Hades,” Demeter said, sharply. “She says she chose him, but that’s what she must believe. That’s what she has to say. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. She has to live with him, afterall. The truth is, she had no choice. She was forced to stay with him against her will. She was tricked into eating fruit of the Underworld.”

Persephone watched her mother. It was clear she still had feelings to sort out. Persephone had done her best to help her mother understand. She wondered if Psyche could do any better. 

Psyche looked at Persephone.

“Great Goddess, your daughter is easy to love,” Psyche said. “She is beautiful and loving and cares so deeply for others. She is everything I hope to become. I can understand why you mourn her absence. 

“How can she and I possibly love such monsters — she, the God of the Underworld — and I, the God of Desire? Why would I want to be with Eros? He has had so many other lovers. For your daughter, why would she want to be with Hades? He has had none. 

“Because our unions do not seek an easy form of love. It is not the automatic flow of water, going wherever is easiest. It is the fight of a seed that must break through the ground and find sunlight. It is the effort of the roots which must grow deep for more strength. 

“Eros could have done his mother’s bidding. He had done it before. Why not do it again? I can feel his love for me, and I love him. 

“I may one day lose his love to another, but he cannot lose mine. Even if he found happiness in another woman, I would rejoice. The one I love would be happy and that makes me happy. 

“Goddess, everything is worth loving. The more we love, the less it hurts.”

“Is that so?” Apollo said, rising. “Then why does love cause so much pain?” 

Apollo glared at Eros. 

“It was just a joke,” Apollo said. “I wasn’t serious in saying you couldn’t shoot straight. Did I deserve to have my life ruined? Did I deserve to suffer?” 

Eros felt sorry. He had been so careless, so foolish to make Apollo fall in love with Daphne. He wished he could take it back now.

“Great God of Light, Music, Medicine, and Prophecy,” Psyche said. “I had been trying to help my people with little experience of my own. I knew nothing of loss as I sat with sufferers mourning and longing for reunion. I offered words of comfort and encouragement when I had not yet experienced the depth of defeat and sorrow. 

“It was easy to say and do things that seemed to help. It makes a difference when you know. Nothing can replace those feelings. As much as it hurts, as high as the price is, what we gain is worth so much more.

“Would you trade it? Would you go back to that existence of never knowing love?” 

Apollo’s jaw tightened slightly.  

“What if some of us are not meant for that kind of love,” Artemis said. “I have no need for the erotic. Is my life therefore incomplete?” 

“Goddess of the Hunt,” Psyche said. “What began as feelings of desire grew into something deeper for your brother. Why else would he wear her leaves?” 

Apollo looked around the room awkwardly. 

“That deep love he developed can be found in other ways,” Psyche said. “We are incomplete without it.” 

Eros looked at Psyche. She was right. 

“I am sorry,” Eros said, turning to Apollo. “I shouldn’t have made you suffer like that. I understand now. Psyche is right. I didn’t know until I experienced it for myself.”

Apollo looked at Eros, surprised. 

Then he was thoughtful for a moment.

“I didn’t want to forget,” Apollo said, taking the leaves from his hair. “She was the most wonderful, the most glorious being. Not just a nymph, but my equal. 

“When your arrow pierced my heart, it released feelings I didn’t know existed. It was wonderful. The cruelty of shooting Daphne with your lead arrow seemed a bit extreme, but — but now I understand better how it feels. The exhilaration to have loved, and the despair to have lost.”

He looked down at the leaves in his hands. 

“I still love her. I will always love her. It has softened me and enhanced my abilities to give better and more honest answers to the prayers of the mortals.”

Apollo looked at Psyche. 

“You’re right. It has made all of the difference,” he said. 

Psyche looked down. 

Apollo stood, studying Psyche for a moment. 

“I think she could really help us,” Apollo said. “Athena is right. I think she is meant to be a goddess.” 

A hum grew in the room as the gods considered Apollo’s odd turn in favor of Psyche. 

“No!” Aphrodite said, stepping forward. “She cannot become a goddess! Look at her! She is not meant to be one of us! She cannot be allowed to become one of us.” 

“She already is,” Hades said. 

The room grew suddenly quiet at the sound of Hades’s voice. 

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