If I Had Words

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Chapter 44      Chapter 46

“Psyche,” he said. “What are you doing out here?”

He was surprised to find her asleep, wrapped in a towel, in the garden. 

He had looked in on her occasionally throughout the day. She seemed happy with everything she’d found. 

She finds joy in everything. It’s so refreshing, the elements said.

His world was definitely pleased to have Psyche there. 

How did she do it? How did she make everyone and everything love her so much? 

Psyche sat up and pulled her towel higher around her. 

Watching her fidget with the towel made him wonder if perhaps she was embarrassed to be caught in such a way? He couldn’t understand how that would be embarrassing. 

“I must have fallen asleep,” she said. 

“Would you like to go inside, or would you like to stay out here?” he said. 

“It is peaceful out here,” she said, taking a satisfying breath.

She was right. It was nice outside. 

“True,” he said, sitting down next to her. 

“Why is it so dark? Even outside?” she asked.

She must have noticed the shroud of darkness which had to cover them. The evening lights were so beautiful, but even a small light might illuminate too much. 

“So we can be together,” he said. 

“Oh,” she said. 

“So, how did you enjoy your day?” he said.

No need to dwell on the downside of things.

“It was lovely,” she said. “I managed to bathe and wash my clothes.” 

“That’s nice,” he said. 

He was glad she felt cleaner, but washing in a pond was hardly much of an offering towards cleanliness. 

And why did she want to keep wearing the bottom layer of her wedding dress? 

“You know, you can have different clothes if you wish,” he said. “Apparently you haven’t given much thought to what you want to wear, otherwise you would have had a variety of clothes by now.”

In answer, she adjusted her towel. 

“Are you cold?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “But it does remind me, I left my clothes drying near the cottage. I’m not sure how I’ll manage to find them in the dark.”

He couldn’t fathom why she’d need them at all. The washing hadn’t improved them much. 

“You really don’t need them,” he said. 

“Oh, I guess not,” she said.

She seemed uncomfortable. Maybe they reminded her of home? 

“But –” he added, “I can get them if you wish.” 

“Yes, please,” she said. 

Eros easily materialized the old clothes and placed them in her hand. 

“Why do you feel the need to wear clothes at all?” he asked. “It’s not as if anyone else is really here.” 

“You’re here,” she said.

Why would that matter?

“True, but I’m your husband,” he said. 

Mortals really were strange about their bodies. Or maybe it was just Psyche. 

“I’m not used to being so immodestly dressed,” Psyche said. “As a princess, it wouldn’t be appropriate. As a woman, it doesn’t feel comfortable.”

Psyche pulled the clothes in her hand up to her chest, as if they might provide an extra layer of protection. 

He could tell she was extremely uncomfortable. He was at a loss how to help her. Maybe she preferred to be alone, though he didn’t want to leave her there to navigate by herself in the dark. 

“Should I escort you back to the house?” he asked, breaking the silence. 

“No,” she said. “I quite like it here.” 

Maybe she preferred to be more covered. 

“Here then,” he said, putting a robe around her shoulders. 

As she settled into the robe she reached for her old clothes again.

Why would she want her old clothes back?

“Do you really need these?” he said, hesitating to return them to her. 

“What? You don’t like my dress?” she said, almost laughing. 

He didn’t feel like laughing. He couldn’t understand how she cared so little for herself.

“It just doesn’t suit you,” he said. 

“Really? And what does suit me?” Psyche asked. 

She seemed oblivious, which seemed to bother him more. 

“Something else,” he said, not sure how to explain and not sure how to contain his frustration. 

“Are you annoyed?” she said.

“Well, yes,” he said. Apparently he wasn’t hiding his feelings very well.  

“Why?” she said.

“Because,” he said. “I can’t understand why you would want to hold everything back, want to keep it from reaching its full potential. The house doesn’t have to be a cottage, the bath doesn’t have to be a pond. It could all be so much more.” 

“Are you saying I’m holding things back?” she said.

“Yes,” he said. 

“You mean the house would rather be a palace?” she said. 

He couldn’t say that. He knew the elements were happy to please her. 

“Well, not necessarily. The house is a manifestation of its creator, which is you. With that logic, I suppose it wants to fulfill your desires. It wants to be what you want it to be,” he said. 

“Oh,” Psyche said.

His words made her frown. 

He sighed.  

“Psyche,” he said gently, “I’m not trying to say your creations aren’t good. I just know what things can be like. I’ve seen other possibilities, other potentials. 

“I feel like you’re settling for less and I don’t understand why.” 

“Because I don’t need more,” she said. “I don’t need all of these things to be happy and to reach my potential.” 

“But what if you do?” he said.

“What do you mean?” she said.

This was all so frustrating, he had to stand up. Hopefully he would somehow get through to her. 

“I have mentioned that I already know you, though you don’t know me. I’m sorry I can’t explain how, but I just do. 

“Having known you for some time, I’ve noticed there are moments when you are confident and beautiful. You shine and you bring calm to the chaos. 

“Take the story you shared from yesterday. It was a perfect example of your potential. You helped people find a better way. 

“But I noticed that with certain people, you let them take charge and tell you what to do. 

“The Psyche who lives in a cottage is the Psyche who is limited in her power and ability to effect change. She considers herself of simple wants and of simple abilities. She’s content. She’s humble. 

“Humility is not bad. In fact, humility is what can give us great power. There are times I wish the gods had more of it. But, lowering yourself, a fool’s humility, and you become the servant. You invite unwelcome masters to rule you.”

He hoped it wasn’t too much for her to understand. 

“I’m happy to serve,” Psyche said. “I don’t mind being the servant and letting others lead. Why must it be that I take charge and tell people what to do? Why must I be the master?”

Urgh, why was this so hard??

“Because you always do what’s right and good. No one else should lead unless the other master is your superior,” he said.

“There are many who are my superior,” Psyche said.

“No,” he said, urgently taking her hand. 

He forced her to stand with him. He needed her to understand her worth. 

“No, Psyche,” he said. “There are few who are your superior. Very few see what you see. Even fewer can do what you do.”

Psyche looked down.

She didn’t understand how wonderful she was, how beautiful and caring she was. He wanted her to know. He needed her to know her worth. 

He lifted her chin back up towards him.

“I love you, Psyche,” he said, looking at her. She couldn’t see him, but he could see the full extent of her beauty. She didn’t need all of the adornments the world had to offer. Her beauty was overwhelming. It came from within. And that’s why he needed her to know her worth. He couldn’t bear the thought of her trivializing who she was. 

“There is no other woman I have come to admire more, no one else who has changed me as you have,” he said. “You’re different. You’re worthy.”

He kissed her. 

He had been trying to give her more time, trying to let her love him first. He hoped she wouldn’t be angry and push him away. 

He relaxed as she kissed him back. 

He took her hand. 

“Psyche, will you let me?” he said. “Will you let me show you your worth? I know I said we could live in this cottage, but seeing you settle for less is more than I can bear.”

He needed her to at least give him a chance to show her what he was talking about. 

“Of course,” Psyche said. “Of course I’ll let you show me. I’m sorry to be so selfish.”

“You’re not being selfish, Psyche. You’re not,” he said, hugging her. “You just don’t know who you are, don’t know that you’re settling for things far beneath your privilege. You’re letting guilt and doubt keep you in this crude existence.”

She leaned into him as he hugged her. 

“I don’t understand,” she said. 

“I know,” he said. “Just let me show you. Let me show you how powerful you can be.”

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