If I Had Words

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Chapter 48      Chapter 50

Eros was so glad to be heading back to Psyche. 

It had been agony watching Psyche’s sisters constantly make a mess of everything. 

He had half a mind to shoot a few of them with arrows and — and — 

He couldn’t think of how it would help.

There were just too many problems.  

Aglaura didn’t deserve any passion from her husband, for she gave none. Cydippe could have had as much passion as she wanted if she’d given her husband half a chance to connect with her. 

They both infuriated him. 

He had stayed a bit longer, curious how everyone else felt about Psyche’s sisters. Aglaura was feared, Cydippe was blindly adored. 

Such simple-minded humans. 

He sighed with relief that his task was finally done. He hoped he’d collected enough information to answer any questions Psyche might have. 

Upon his arrival, however, he was shocked to find Psyche back in the cave. 

“Psyche,” he said, trying to gently wake her. She had fallen asleep in a rough-hewn chair. 

She sat up. She seemed happy to see him, but he couldn’t help addressing the immediate problem. 

“What happened??” he said. “Are you alright?” 

What must have happened while he was away?

“What?” she said. 

She was still waking up. 

“Our house!” he said, trying to bring her attention to the situation. “What happened?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she said. “I was just a little bored, that’s all.” 

That was hard to believe. Boredom could not have done this. 

“But you’re back in the cave,” he said.

“Yes, well, I’m not exactly sure how that happened,” she said. “It just sort of appeared one day.” 

He imagined she knew exactly when the house changed. He could understand why she wouldn’t want to tell him, but this — this was just too much. 

“Our house depends on you, Psyche, and how you’re feeling about it,” he said. “How are you feeling?” 

She feels stuck, the elements said. 

But would she admit it to him? 

“I guess I just missed you,” she said. 

“What’s wrong, Psyche?” he said.

He hoped she would feel safe opening up, and tell him how she was really feeling. 

“Why don’t you tell me what you learned about my sisters. That will lift my mood. How are they?” she said.

He would rather discuss the cave, but he felt it would be cruel to delay his report. 

“We are not done with this conversation, Psyche, but I’m sure you’re eager to hear what I’ve learned. I won’t make you wait,” he said. 

She reached for him to give him a hug. He relaxed a little. 

“I’ve missed you,” he said. “And, I’m glad I didn’t marry one of your sisters.” 

“What’s wrong with them?” she said.

He probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth. And she would soon see that her sisters were the masterminds behind their own unhappiness. 

“I went to see Aglaura first,” he said. “I certainly pity her kingdom. Everyone is so stressed and unhappy.”

“What?? How? Is she also stressed? Is she unhappy?” she said.

She sounded really concerned, but what could she do? It was Aglaura’s fault. 

“Yes, very,” he said.

“And what of her husband?” she said.

“He’s hardly ever there,” he said. “He’s usually off on some hunting expedition or in search of new trade partners. Can’t say I blame him.”

“What do you mean by that?” she said.

If he hadn’t been newly married, he would have stopped himself right there.

But he didn’t. 

“Not to criticize women, but I can’t think of a greater torment to a man than a stressed and unhappy woman,” he said. 

“Maybe she could use his help,” Psyche said, getting a bit defensive. “Is the solution to just leave her to figure things out by herself?”

Urgh. Why didn’t she understand? 

“No,” he said. “I didn’t say that.” 

“Well, how do you expect her to manage things if he’s always gone?” Psyche said, rising.

She started to move away from him.

Why was she angry?

He pulled her back. 

“Psyche, wait, I’m not done,” he said. 

“Okay, then, what else is there?” she said, crossing her arms.

Something within Eros finally took hold and made him rethink his next words. 

“On second thought, let’s move on to Cydippe,” he said. “Cydippe’s kingdom is doing quite well. There are plenty of things to keep the people entertained. Lady Cydippe puts on performances before great crowds and hosts games and large events. 

“Everyone loves her.” 

“I’m sure,” Psyche said. “Everyone loves Cydippe. And is she happy?” 

“No,” he sighed. “She isn’t happy either.” 

Psyche frowned. 

“What?? That’s impossible. Why?” Psyche said. 

“That’s why I stayed a bit longer,” he said. “I hoped to understand, but analyzing this level of human behavior is — something I’m not used to.”

He would certainly have never taken this amount of time trying to understand why mortals insisted on being miserable and why they made everyone else around them so miserable. 

Maybe Psyche would understand them better. 

“Cydippe loves the attention and she loves performing,” he said, “but she seems tired and dissatisfied. Aglaura loves being queen, but nothing makes her happy.”

“Odd,” Psyche said. 

He remembered watching her with some of the other mortals. She had always tried to show understanding and kindness. Perhaps he could try.  

“I don’t mean to upset you, Psyche,” he said. 

“Of course you don’t mean to,” she said. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help worrying about my sisters.”

That seemed to help her feel better. He kept trying. 

“I’m sure it’s hard to hear such news,” he said. 

“What can be done?” Psyche said, apparently lost in her own thoughts.

“I don’t know that much can be done,” he said. “It seems to be of their own making.”

“How so?” Psyche said. 

“Well, Aglaura, for one, just criticizes her staff and puts them all on edge,” he said. “She dismisses those who can’t perform very well, and so everyone is afraid of her. 

“When her husband is home, she takes forever to warm up. It’s as if she is punishing him for being away at all. As if a man is able to — “ 

He stopped himself, remembering her earlier reaction. She probably wouldn’t like hearing his thoughts on the matter. 

“Never mind,” he said.

Psyche found him in the darkness. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, touching his arm. “I’ve made you feel afraid to speak your mind.”

That was unexpected. How was she able to adjust so quickly? 

“But, I know. If a man doesn’t feel loved, it’s hard to have a desire to be loving to his wife. It’s an endless cycle of unloving unless someone breaks it by taking the first step. 

“And that can be hard to do.”   

She really was quite wonderful, even if she did exhibit some of the normal female flaws. 

He bent down and kissed her.

“And how is it that you are so loving?” he said. 

“I struggled too while you were away,” she said.

“Is that why you’re back in the cave?” he said. “Is it really just because you missed me?” 

That couldn’t be the only reason. 

“That’s part of it,” she said. 

He waited for her to say more. 

“I feel — I feel useless, unable to do much other than eat, sleep, and wander the walls of my cell,” she said. “For as beautiful as it is, I have come to see it as confining as any prison cell would be.

“I see now why it wouldn’t have mattered whom I married. The real punishment was separating me from everyone. I can’t bear this.”

She moved away from him and started to walk around the room. Eros made sure to move items out of the way so she wouldn’t bump into anything. 

“It was wonderful having the news from the village, but I want to be there. I want to hold the new baby; I want to embrace everyone. I want to be a part of their lives. How is this any different from bringing news to a prisoner, waiting to finish out the end of her sentence?” she said. “Except there is no end to mine. The punishment is for life.”

Her words stung. The cave was back because life with him would always make her feel limited and confined. It would always remind her that she was being punished.

“I’m sorry, Psyche,” he said. 

“I know there’s nothing you can do,” she said. “I know I’m stuck here. And it doesn’t take away from how much I love you. But I don’t even get to see you. Even now, I wish I could see your face, look into your eyes, see what you’re thinking.”

His mind caught hold of one thing she’d said. It helped take away the pain of her other words. 

“You love me?” he said softly.

“I love you,” she said. “I love you more than anyone else. I will try to be happy. I know your love can be enough. I know this is just me trying to process the way things are and the way things have to be.”

She loved him. It should have made him so happy, but knowing she was so unhappy — 

He had to do something. 

He took her hand. She was so good, trying so hard to make this enough. She deserved so much more than what he was able to give her. He hated it. He wanted to give her everything. 

Maybe there was something he could do to help her be happy. At that moment, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her. 

“I love you, Psyche. What would you have me do?” he said. “Ask anything and I’ll see what can be done.”

She hesitated.

“I don’t even know what to ask,” she said. “I don’t know enough about the confines of my punishment.” 

He thought for a moment. 

Maybe he could help her figure out what she really wanted, what would help her feel happier. 

“What is pressing on your mind the most right now?” he said. 

“My sisters, obviously. They are so unhappy,” she said. “I wish there was something I could do for them. I wish I could at least talk to them.”

He knew he wouldn’t be able to take her to them. Of course that left only one other option.

He struggled for a moment, wondering if there was some other way to give her what she wanted, what she needed. 

But she really couldn’t be alone forever. He knew he couldn’t have her all to himself. 

Though he had kind of hoped he could. 

Seeing no other way, he closed his eyes and braced himself. 

“What if I brought them here? What if they came to visit you?” he said.

“You would allow them to come here? Is that even possible?” she said. 

Hearing the hope in her voice made him hope that the sacrifice would be worth it. 

The thought of having her sisters in his home brought him absolutely no joy at all. 

“It’s possible,” he said. “If it would make you happy, I would be willing to find a way to do it.” 

“I don’t know how to thank you,” she said, growing emotional. 

“Psyche, I love you,” he said. “I wish I could do more.” 

So much more. 

“I love you so much,” she said, resting against him. 

They held each other for a moment. 

Eros then explained how things would work. They would need to maintain the rule. He felt it would be a better way to keep up the habit. The consequences of accidentally seeing him were too great. 

There was one thing that worried him, though, more than having lights at night. 

“Psyche,” he said. “You must remember you are the mistress here. You must not let your sisters take over the creation of this place.”

“Could they do that?” she said. 

Not unless she let them. 

“The energy and power is shared, Psyche,” he said, hoping she would understand. “I’m letting you lead, but I don’t have to. Depending on how strong our wills are, we could have a battle over what our world looked like, but I don’t see the need for that.”

The idea of wrestling her for control of the world felt — rather exciting. 

“Your sisters — Their power and influence can have the same impact on this place as yours or mine. It is, in fact, possible for them to take over and create this world to reflect their desires over yours,” he said.

“That couldn’t be so terrible, could it?” she said. “They both love beautiful things.”

He felt horrified that she would give up her power so easily. 

“They are not like you, Psyche,” he said. “They are not in harmony with others. And not everyone is worthy of the power of creation. You must carefully guard it. Don’t let them put you down or make you feel powerless.” 

“They would never,” she said. “They are my sisters. They love me. They wouldn’t put me down, not after they see this place.”

He knew better. 

“I’m just warning you, Psyche,” he said. “You are worthy to be the creator. But it will be up to you what you wish to create. Their influence over you may change things.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said. “I’ll do what I can to follow the rules and stay in control.” 

She was trying so hard. He knew it wouldn’t be easy for her. 

He kissed her forehead. 

“I know you’ll do your best. And I’ll try not to worry,” he said. “I love you, Psyche. I want you to be happy.”

“I am,” she said, kissing him.

They continued kissing. They had a lot of catching up to do.

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