If I Had Words

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Chapter 55      Chapter 57

“I still can’t believe you married a god!” her father exclaimed as he regally settled into his chair. They had already performed the necessary formalities of greeting each other. 

“Oh, Psyche, dear,” her mother said. “I am so sorry this happened to you. We’ve sent for your sisters to come as soon as they can.” 

Psyche wondered how her sisters would react to the news that her husband had actually been a god and not a monster. 

“Oh, good,” her father said. “I’ve been meaning to speak to Aglaura about some recent developments in the kingdom. It’ll be good to see her. And Cydippe, of course.” 

“Cydippe will be sure to cheer you up, dear,” her mother said to Psyche. “She has a way of breathing life into things. Do your sisters know about your husband?” 

“Well, they did visit me while I was still there,” Psyche said. “But at the time, I didn’t know my husband’s identity.” 

Psyche had only been able to fill her parents in on a few of the highlights of her story, but there was still so much to catch up on. 

“You mean, they saw Eros’s palace?” her father said. “That must have been something.”

She sensed her father would have liked to see the palace of a god himself. Her father certainly would not have appreciated the cave or the cottage. He would have greatly approved of Eros’s version of their home. 

The thought of explaining how Eros’s world worked seemed a little beyond what the conversation could handle. They seemed shocked enough by what she had already told them. 

“How did they like it?” her mother asked.

“Oh, they quite liked it,” Psyche said, trying to keep things light. 

“It’s a pity it couldn’t have lasted,” her father said. 

“Indeed,” her mother said. “But then, to expect you to last so long in the dark like that. It’s simply unreasonable.” 

“I admire you for lasting as long as you did,” her father said, picking up on his wife’s reminder not to make Psyche feel too bad. 

They were trying to be kind, but it was clear they were disappointed.  

“So, dear,” her mother said. “What do you plan to do now that you’re back? You are most welcome home. I know the villagers will be happy to see you.”

Right. The reason she lit the lamp in the first place. 

“It would be good to visit the village,” Psyche said. “I did consider resuming my work among them.” 

“You should take a few of the guards with you,” her father said. “I never did like the idea of you walking around so freely.” 

“I’ll be alright, Father,” Psyche said. 

“Well, at least a few attendants then,” her mother said. 

“If that would help you both feel better,” Psyche said.

The king and queen gracefully nodded. 

“I thank you for welcoming me home again,” Psyche said. “I’m sorry to have failed, but I’ll do my best to make the most of things.”

“I know you will, dear,” her mother said, rising. 

The king stood up and brought Psyche in for a hug. Psyche nestled her head into his shoulder, feeling a sense of comfort and safety only a father can provide. 

He had been a good father. Even if he hadn’t always known what to do, he had always done his best to understand and be supportive.

Psyche hugged her mother and then with a final curtsey, left the room. 

As she walked back to her own quarters, she wondered if visiting the people would help her feel better. It was so hard to brush aside the feelings of shame. The idea of facing them all, the idea of explaining her story of failure, filled her with dread.  

Perhaps she could start with those she knew better? Or maybe first visit the sick? The worst ones might not be as intimidating, half-conscious and similarly miserable. 

She tried to remember some of the reports Eros had brought back.

To think, the God of Desire had been visiting her kingdom and checking in on them for her. What he must have thought!

It had been fun sharing stories with him. He was always open and curious. He never hid his surprise or disbelief as to why people did what they did. 

She smiled. 

For as much as the gods had power over the elements of her world and theirs, they certainly didn’t know everything.  

Psyche reached her room and was relieved to be alone. She’d been so eager to be among the people, but to have a moment of solitude somehow reduced the weight on her chest.

How would she go back to visiting the village? How would she face them? What could she possibly offer them? 

She sat for a moment at the foot of her bed thinking. 

Her shoulders drooped. 

All of those days feeling useless at Eros’s palace. Had anything changed? Would she be able to help anyone? Had she sacrificed her husband for nothing? 

She could feel despair closing in on her. 

Iris entered the room carrying a stack of clean linens. 

Psyche straightened and smiled. 

“Princess Psyche,” Iris said, somewhat surprised. “How was your meeting with the king and queen?” 

Psyche was glad to see Iris. Of any of the attendants, she could talk more plainly with her. 

“It went well,” Psyche said, finding safety in the small talk. “They are good and kind and have welcomed me home.”

“Could they do anything else?” Iris said.

Psyche didn’t want to say what she was thinking. 

“You feel unworthy?” Iris said. 

Psyche looked down. She didn’t want to cry. 

“Princess, there is nothing you could do to change the love people have for you,” Iris said. “You have helped us and healed us through some of our toughest times. Do you think we would abandon you now?”

Psyche closed her eyes. 

“Do you know what the kingdom is saying, what they are feeling right now?” Iris said, setting down her load and coming over to sit next to Psyche. “They are relieved. They are happy to have you back. We never felt you deserved to be punished. You didn’t deserve to marry a monster.”

Psyche looked at Iris. 

“Married to a god?” Iris continued. “Now, that you did deserve.” 

“There is no mortal who deserves to marry a god,” Psyche said. 

“You deserve it,” Iris said, looking at her confidently. “You are so good. You care so much.”

“But no mortal is meant for worship, and for that I deserve to be punished,” Psyche said. 

“Do you?” Iris said. “Do you really believe that?” 

Psyche said it, but she wasn’t sure what she believed anymore.

The point was, it didn’t matter. She was still being punished, just in a different way. She had come to know the love of a husband and now it was gone. 

“You brought light and life to every dark corner of our world.” Iris said, still trying to cheer Psyche. “People traveled great distances to be near you, to learn from you.”

“I don’t know,” Psyche said. “I feel like it doesn’t matter anymore. I was helping people and giving cheer where I knew nothing of sorrow. I had calmed people’s fears without having ever been afraid.”

“That makes you all the more prepared to help more people,” Iris said. “To have been able to do so much with such little understanding from your own experiences speaks of something deeper within you, Psyche. Imagine what you can do now, now that you know. Don’t doubt yourself.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Psyche said. “I don’t know how to face everyone.”

“You should visit the village,” Iris said, standing. “We could talk all day, trying to muster up the courage, but the best would be to just see people. Everyone is eager to see you. They thought the worst had happened to you. It’ll be a relief for them to see that you are well.”

“I don’t know that I can,” Psyche said. “I don’t know that I’m ready.” 

Iris thought for a moment. 

“What if we went to visit Chloe first?” she said. 

“But she’s so busy now,” Psyche said. “She has her business and her family who need her attention. She won’t have any time to visit with me.”

Iris looked at Psyche.

“Princess,” Iris said. “You once helped Chloe when she felt far worse than you do at this moment. If anyone can help you, if there’s anyone more willing, it’s her.” 

“Will you come with me?” Psyche asked. 

“Of course, Princess,” Iris said. “I’d go with you anywhere.”

Psyche hugged Iris. To have such a friend. Psyche felt so grateful. 

Iris helped Psyche prepare to go out. Psyche didn’t want to wear the same ostentatious dress she’d worn for her parents. The people didn’t need to see her as a princess, they needed to see her as Psyche. 

Together the women started their journey through the halls and courtyards, but they didn’t get very far.

As soon as they passed a handful of people, they soon had a small crowd of gardeners and attendants, stablehands and palace visitors eager to speak with the princess. 

Where had she been? How had she survived the ordeal of being married to a monster? Was it horrible??

How could the king and queen leave her atop the hill to be devoured by a monster? How could they let him take their Psyche away?

Well, anyway, they agreed, it was good that she was home safe!

As everyone got more comfortable, there were several jokes made about the appearance of her husband. How monstrous was he? Did he have large fangs? Hair everywhere or hairless? Most agreed hairy was preferred to hairless. 

But, four legs or two? 

Psyche laughed.

“Tell us, Princess Psyche, what was the monster like?” someone asked. Everyone murmured their agreement at the question.

“And how did you escape?” another added. More murmurs of agreement.

Psyche smiled and drew in a breath. 

“I did marry a being feared by gods and men. The God of Love and Desire, Eros Himself, in His mercy, pitied me and brought me to his home to be his wife,” Psyche said. 

A murmur rippled through the crowd as people repeated the news. 

Psyche was married to a god?? 

“It was my foolishness which caused him to cast me out and return me home. My husband had asked me not to look upon him, but I did. For that, it is now my fate to have to leave my husband’s house and return to you as you see me now,” Psyche said. 

Slight confusion rippled through the crowd. 

“But why?” they asked. “Why would he cast you out? And why did you look upon him?”

“I missed you all so much,” Psyche said. “I was living in a paradise, but paradise without friends is no real paradise. I had a choice to make. I could look upon my husband and free myself, or I could remain in the dark and stay. It was no easy choice.”

“And are you happy now?” they asked.

Psyche’s heart sank. What could she say?

“I am so happy to see you all again. I have missed you dearly. But, I must confess, I also miss my husband,” Psyche said.

“You should go back,” someone said, somewhere from the back. 

“No,” Psyche said. “This is where I belong.”

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